I get messages and calls from men every week reading to take the razor to their throats - no one understand them.
Here is the explanation.
First, women too are suffering, society is terribly broken for them as well, but this will focus on men.
Psychologically, for millions of years, people would leave their front door, see friends, a supportive tribe, women they grew up with, and dozens of family.
Now, we don’t.
For the primitive brain, it’s AS IF, our tribe has been decimated, we live as outcasts, and without a strong community, we are going to die….regardless of our financial well being.
An old Russian saying - the only thing a man can do alone…is die.
Also, boys have initiation rituals…they prove you can persevere and will produce more than you consume.
A man who cannot will destroy the tribe - their is no “extra food” for most of human living - that goes to women, the elderly, and the sick.
A woman, to feel secure, needs to know a man is part of the group, is respected and accepted by the group of men, and has support.
Women aren’t stupid, men set up the games of social proof, and women choose the men who prove their worth - think of all the girls lining up to cheer on Nascar race winners. These girls are not Nascar fans - they see these men are respected by other men and are “winners.”
This is smart. These men have admirable characteristics - hard work, competency, mastery of the world, the respect of the tribe.
If a man does Not have a girl, that means no women saw this. He has not been accepted by the tribe of men, he is an outcast among his tribe, and his primitive brain tells him he has been rejected, an outcast, and without acceptance will surly die.
Hence, young men *feel utterly decimated.
Here is the explanation.
First, women too are suffering, society is terribly broken for them as well, but this will focus on men.
Psychologically, for millions of years, people would leave their front door, see friends, a supportive tribe, women they grew up with, and dozens of family.
Now, we don’t.
For the primitive brain, it’s AS IF, our tribe has been decimated, we live as outcasts, and without a strong community, we are going to die….regardless of our financial well being.
An old Russian saying - the only thing a man can do alone…is die.
Also, boys have initiation rituals…they prove you can persevere and will produce more than you consume.
A man who cannot will destroy the tribe - their is no “extra food” for most of human living - that goes to women, the elderly, and the sick.
A woman, to feel secure, needs to know a man is part of the group, is respected and accepted by the group of men, and has support.
Women aren’t stupid, men set up the games of social proof, and women choose the men who prove their worth - think of all the girls lining up to cheer on Nascar race winners. These girls are not Nascar fans - they see these men are respected by other men and are “winners.”
This is smart. These men have admirable characteristics - hard work, competency, mastery of the world, the respect of the tribe.
If a man does Not have a girl, that means no women saw this. He has not been accepted by the tribe of men, he is an outcast among his tribe, and his primitive brain tells him he has been rejected, an outcast, and without acceptance will surly die.
Hence, young men *feel utterly decimated.
(As for the reality of the dating scene for men, it IS grim, I wrote about it HERE.)
There is no secure attachment. This started in the industrial revolution, in WW I it broke, and only with the zoomers has it finally become a complete lived reality - no family home, no family etc
Adam Lane Smith breaks it down here, he also has an “Attachment group” on discord, classes, and offers coaching, HERE, highly recommended, he says :
"…all of these men have been raised to believe that the world is ending that we're in a total collapse that there's no such thing as a loving family that there's no such thing as a loving marriage there's no such thing as unconditional love there is no such thing as security there's no such thing as Financial Security there's no such thing as a home you can rely on..
…our brains are telling us we live in a scenario where our culture has been absolutely obliterated our family is dead our village is destroyed everything is overrun by strangers and we now live in a hostile environment…
… it's as if our village was killed we're the only survivor and we've been stolen by slavers who are now raising us as a stranger in their culture…
…men can't be secure they can't have a family they can't own a home they can’t just get a plot of land build a house have a wife raise kids and be together that's what most men want…
..we're blocked from doing that and we have a hundred years of broken system that has erased the memory of being able to do that so it’s no longer mentally even possible those aren't even possibilities anymore so the things that are natural to us that our brains are designed for it is impossible for us to have them…
..a generation of young men who just want even the smallest scrap of kindness stability love warmth the brain says I should be marrying the Girl Next Door she should be my friend as we play together and throw rocks and fight with sticks and and catch frogs and then we'll marry her someday and we'll have kids that's what the brain is saying and it's not happening, you gotta fight on Tinder to try to have sex with a girl who has had sex with more men than you have ever met and that's the culture now and men don’t want that so they're just retreating..”
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