Art by Oswaldo Guayasamin
Young men in America really aren't suffering much these days. Not like the boys in WW II, or men in other countries torn by crushing poverty and/or machine gun fire.
But they are in anguish.
It’s not just semantics, there are two different existential states.
What I’ve chosen to call ‘suffering’ is visible, and so comfort, and commiseration, might be sought.
Anguish is hard to articulate, hard to explain, hence one is locked alone in the dark with it, speech frozen, no way to communicate to another one’s wretched state. It hides in loneliness, rejection, and failure.
WHY is the suicide rate for partially paralyzed people so much greater than fully paralyzed ?
Because suicide rears its ugly head upon *unnecessary suffering.
A completely paralyzed patient can do nothing.
They are not tormented by hope - the hope that one day, if they….try hard enough, exercise hard enough, *pray* hard enough….they might improve.
And if they do not, it is their own fault.
The difference is best illustrated with an example.
A friend of mine is a mechanic, new, lowly paid, living in NY. He has health, a job, and suffers few privations.
BUT, his girl, earning a masters, dated up, and left him. So, for the past few years he has desperately tried to start a business, raise his social status, and get a good women.
His dream is to have a family.
He is lonely, his future shows little possibility for improvement, and yet he strives, and strives, in desperation - for love.
He see’s families all around, couples, some happy, some not, but right there, dangling in front of him, just out of reach, like a cruel tease. A man dying of thirst, and water all around, and he cannot manage to acquire a cup...
He is in anguish.
Anguish because his suffering is unnecessary, he OUGHT to be able to succeed. And he tries…and tries…and tries…and fails. And fails. And fails….
He went to India. He hired a rickshaw driver for a week. This man was always smiling. This man took him to meet his wife and children, living in utter poverty.
This man is suffering. BUT, he is not in anguish over it - it is necessary suffering. He can do nothing about it.
It is a caste system, he cannot strive for anything more. His wife doesn’t expect him to, nor society. He is not ashamed of himself, nor of his children living in such conditions.
This man’s hardships are great, his suffering tremendous, but, according to him, he does not regret it.
My mechanic friend however, is not the backbone of this nations economy…he is the loser.
Women see this. They are nature’s judge. Women, too, go by what men value, and if men do not reward a person with value, women see this.
Unconsciously it is a rejection from Mother Nature - something wrong with you, no reproduction.
Also a rejection from one’s tribe - if a man cannot bring value to a tribe, the tribe starves, hence a man who cannot produce is tossed out into the wilderness, hence all the male anxiety about this.
Finally, it can feel like a rejection from God. If someone loves you, they give you gifts, approval, regard….If these are missing, does God love you?
And without the gaze of love - positive regard - one is scarcely a person, but only a deformed individual, ever struggling to achieve a place in the world.
Perhaps Gandhi was not so crazy to call India's Caste system much less cruel than America’s…
Two quotes :
It is readily understandable that to be denied a place is to suffer a serious moral trauma. It is a sort of denial of one’s humanity.”
― Paul Tournier
“Society puts pressure on us to conform to personas but we become neurotic if those personas don’t allow us to satisfy our desire to be our true Self.
Fulfilling environments and relationships and roles are desired that are enjoyed by society and align with our Self.
A suicidal person is someone who is so far from where they want to be in life ... no fulfilling relationships and roles and the persona society presents are in no way fulfilling with their Self.
Shedding of one persona and development of a new healthier one closer to the Center of the Self I believe gets symbolized unconsciously in the archetype/ symbolism of death and rebirth.
However if a suicidal person doesn’t see any way in which they can be “reborn” in society in a fulfilling life then they only see the death side of that symbolism in front of them and since that corresponds to a physical objective action it also seen not simply as some symbol but as a literal action that is able to consume their conscious mind.”
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